


Spoole Goes For a Drive

by mediocreviolinist



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Drug Use, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, FakeHaus, M/M, Poor Spoole dude, Self-Harm, Suicide, its kinda sad, poor joel, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7424437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mediocreviolinist/pseuds/mediocreviolinist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoole was like a pressure cooker, if everything came too much the lid would just pop. During a date Spoole suddenly pops and leaves the rest of the crew confused. They all deal with it in their own ways, some more dangerous than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spoole Goes For a Ride

Everyday Spoole woke up and grabbed his bong. He would grind up a dub, shove it into the top of the stem and light it up. He would inhale the smoke, hold it, and breathe it back out. Spoole didn’t like dealing with life when he was sober. Sometimes his anxiety was so bad he’d cut some of the coke he saved. Spoole was a fucking drug addict and everyone in the crew knew. Nobody had really said anything about it because honestly, they couldn’t blame him. His life sucked. His life was practically the worst out of the crew. When he was sober he was riddled with near-crippling anxiety that kept him from doing any of his work or to even think straight. All having stemmed from childhood experiences nobody wanted to think about.No one who knew Spoole thought he deserved to suffer so much. He was the kindest soul you’d have ever met. He didn’t have a single mean bone in his body which is why no one suspected him as working for the most notorious crew in Los Santos. But everyday the young man took grabs before he even stood up so he could face the world.  
He stumbled around his room looking for a sweatshirt before he went outside. The effects of the weed started to take hold of him. He slumped out of his room towards the kitchen to grab a granola bar before he went to the crews house. Spoole didn’t think he should live with them to keep them away from the fumes. Also because he could barely pay for the shitty little house he had already, he didn’t want to be a burden. He had a teeny tiny house (it looked more like a storage unit) in the ghetto in the city whereas the crew lived in the Vinewoods. He put his shoes on and went to his car, eating while he drove to work.

“Hey babe!” Adam embraced the tiny Spoole man.  
“Hey Adam.” Spoole pushed his way out of the guys grip to find a trash can. When he threw out of the wrapper he went back to hug Adam.  
“Is that all you ate for breakfast again?” Adam gave him a disapproving look that was common to Spoole.  
“It’s all I could afford...” He looked down at his feet and turned around to walk into the living room. He was sick of the conversation, it took place every day and always ended with Spoole avoiding his boyfriend for the better part of the morning. In Adams defense Spoole used to be a little chubby sweetheart, but now his jeans couldn’t stay up without the help of a belt tightened as much as it could go. Nobody really mentioned it to him except Adam but they all knew something was up. They were too scared to say anything.  
“Good Morning!” Bruce said to Spoole when he walked in.  
“Yo,” He gave a small smile and sat on the couch next to Peake. He nodded his hello to the quiet one.  
“You’re not wearing a hat.” Matt observed flatly. Spoole reached up and realized Matt was right.  
“I was kind of out of it this morning, oops.” He shrugged. Peake thought it was because he wasn’t eating enough. He always forgot something when he got here sometimes its his hat, sometimes its socks, one time he forgot his jeans and came in wearing board shorts. Peake thought the lack of food was getting to his head. He was right of course, but he never told anyone because he didn’t think they would take him seriously. Even if they did they might wonder how he knew and that wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have.  
“Yeah.” Peake stood up and went upstairs. Normally Spoole would follow Peake to make sure he was okay because he doesn’t leave like that but Spoole could barely concentrate on anything. He knew if he didn’t eat he would pass out or worse yet, end up in a hospital. He didn’t want that. He’d avoided it so far but he knew people were catching onto him. It was winter so he had every reason to wear formless clothing but the jeans he wore were obviously too big and his sweat shirts drooped off of him like a summer tank top. He felt like telling them about the cocaine he did so he could pass that off as an excuse but then he would get the same disapproving looks as Joel got the time they caught him doing it. Nobody had a thing against alcohol but certain drugs put themselves at risk and were frowned upon. Joel was quiet about his drug use, never really doing it at home and when he did he tried not to leave his room as not to disturb anyone. Joel was a rail, he was the skinniest member of the crew and Spoole admired it. Of course he would never admit it but if there was anyone who he wanted to look like it was Joel Rubin. Speaking of which, the man himself came slipping down the stairs.  
“Holy shit!” Spoole ran towards the bottom of the stairs. “Dude are you okay?” Spoole pulled the man to his feet even though his own head was swimming from the sudden movement.  
“Fuck. Yeah, my pajama pants were covering my feet. I’m fine.” He smiled at Spoole before leaving his arms to get to the kitchen where some scrambled eggs were calling his name.  
“Hey babe, we don’t have anything to do today, wanna maybe go to lunch later?” Adam wrapped his arms around the tiny mans waist.  
“I can’t afford to eat out.” He turned toward his boyfriend and frowned a little bit.  
“I’ll pay for you Sean don’t worry.” He pouted hoping his boyfriend would give into the face.  
“I don’t want you to waste your money on me.” Adam sighed.  
“You’re my boyfriend I want to spoil you. I have more than enough money to spend on you,” He kissed Spooles forehead. “Please?”  
Spoole giggled and nodded his head. “Fine,”  
“Yay thank you!” He kissed Spoole again and hugged him tight. He let go and put his hand in his boyfriends and pulled him upstairs.

They went into Adams room to watch a movie and play some video games. Bruce had gotten a hold of a Battlefield 1 beta copy and gave it to Adam for his birthday. He had been dying to play it with someone. Adam took off his sweatshirt and put on a shirt Spoole had gotten him for Christmas last year. Christmas was coming up soon. The stream of jobs they had had slowed down because of the holiday season. Some drug lords had families too you know.  
“If you keep that on you’re going to sweat.” Adam pointed to Spooles own sweatshirt.  
“I’ll be fine. I’m cold right now.” Adam turned around so Spoole didn’t see the look he had on his face.  
“Alright hon.” He turned on the tv and opened Netflix. “Anything you wanna watch?”  
“That 70‘s show.”  
“Of course,” He smiled at his tiny boyfriend. “Hey”  
“Hey?”  
“I love you” Spoole blushed as his boyfriend kissed him multiple times and hugged him tightly.  
“I love you too you fucking loser.” He muttered. Adam smiled wide as he let go and put on Spooles favorite show.  
They watched That 70‘s Show until Spoole fell asleep in Adams lap. It was only 12:30 but he was out like a baby. Adam spent a solid 5 minutes trying to coax him awake.  
“Hey baby, we’re going to lunch remember?” Spoole made a noise indicating he was awake and turned over. “C’mon, up at at ‘em.” He pulled him up off the bed so he was forced onto his feet.  
“Do we have to go?” Spoole wiped at his eyes.  
“Sean you promised me.”  
“I know I know, Im sorry. Lets go.” He unlocked the door and walked out. Adam grabbed his sweatshirt and followed.  
They drove to Up N Atom in the late December snow and tried to seem as inconspicuous as possible. When they got inside they stared at the menu for awhile before ordering.  
“Hi yeah I’d like 2 triple burgers and fries. What do you want Sean?”  
“Just a chop salad.” Adam frowned as he pulled out his wallet.  
“He’ll also have an extra creamy jumbo shake.” Spoole stared at his boyfriend and chewed the inside of his cheek.” Adam payed and they sat at a table waiting for their number to be called.  
“I don’t think I can drink that Adam.” Spoole said behind his hands.  
“I’m not expecting you to finish is Sean.”  
“No I mean It’s too, you know, fattening.”  
“I’ve never heard of you calling food too fattening” Adam laughed a little, trying to clear the growing tension.  
“I’m not going to drink it.” He looked Adam in the eyes, silently pleading. He was dreading the date already.  
“Alright. That’s fine.” He didn’t want to force Spoole to do anything. “I’ll drink it.” Spoole relaxed a little. But he still had to eat an entire salad. The servings at Up N Atom could only be described as the serving size for a small giant who is trying to bulk up. He didn’t know if he could finish even half of it. It’s not that he didn’t want to but his stomach couldn’t handle it.  
When their number was called Adam went and picked up the food.  
“Here.” Adam handed the salad to Spoole. “Are you sure you don’t want any of the shake?”  
“Im sure.” He opened the lid to the salad and prodded it with his fork.  
“Are you even going to eat that salad?”  
“What? Of course I am!” Adam rolled his eyes as he bit into his burger. “Adam what the hell?”  
“Sean your breakfast the for the past 2 months has been a granola bar, you refuse to eat lunch most days and you disappear before dinner so who knows if you’re even eating then.”  
“I’m sorry Im poor.” He bit down on the leaves as angrily as you could when you bite on leaves.  
“Stop using that as an excuse! I know you can afford more than a box of fucking granola bars. If money was that much of an issue for you I don’t understand why you don’t fucking move in with us! You always say no then turn around and say all your suffering is because you don’t have any money! We can make your life better, we have more than enough money to make sure you live in comfort. Why do you keep yourself in this position?” He whispered his words so the employees didn’t stare. He didn’t want to cause a scene.  
“I don’t want to force my weed smoke down your throat..”  
“Don’t start with the whole weed thing Sean! You know thats not an excuse Lawrence smokes too and he’s always lazing around the place!”  
“I can’t afford to pay the bills.” He took another bite of saladabut his anxiety was pushing through the smokey haze, making him regret eating.  
“You don’t have to pay for anything ever again if you live with us why don’t you understand that. Stop feeling responsible for stuff you literally don’t have a thing to worry about ever again if you would just move in. I’m going to keep confronting you about this if you don’t just agree you’ll never be hungry or homeless or or-”  
“I don’t want to move in because I don’t deserve it.” Spoole whispered.  
“What?” Adam looked at him like he’d been stabbed.  
“I don’t deserve it.” Spoole put down his forkaand put his head in his hands.  
“What do you mean you don’t deserve it?”  
“I mean Im not worthy of living with you guys. I’m a piece of shit stoner who runs from his problems and avoids feeling anything by putting bullets in peoples heads because Im too scared to even get into the action. Im pathetic Adam okay. I don’t even know why you date me Im literally fucking pathetic okay. I dont deserve anything.” He stood up and pushed his chair in.  
“Spoole, sit down come on lets ta-”  
“Take me home.”  
“What?”  
“I want to go home, take me home.” Adam groaned and wrapped up the half eaten burger. He grabbed the rest of his crap and handed Spoole the keys. They got out of the cold air and into the equally as freezing car.  
“We have to talk about this eventually.” He looked at Spoole while he turned on the car.  
“No we don’t.” Spoole kept his arms crossed on his chest.  
“The others, they’re going to want to talk about it.”  
“You’re not telling them. I swear to god Kovic.” He glared at his boyfriend and huffed. They rode in tense silence all the way back to the mansion. Spoole got out and went inside the house to Adams shock.

Spoole stood at Peakes door pounding on it until it opened.  
“What the fuck? What do you want man?” Peake had just gotten out of the shower as his hair was almost in front of his eyes and he was only wearing pajama pants. Spoole grabbed him and held him tight. Peake stood there confused until he could feel Spoole trying to hold back his tears. Then he slowly walked back and closed the door and hugged him back. He rubbed his back lightly.  
“Dude what’s wrong?” He got Spoole to sit on the bed with him.  
“Im sorry Peake. Im sorry. Im so sorry.”  
“Why are you sorry? What happened?”  
“I have to go. I’m so sorry Peake I love you.” He pulled away from Peake and ran out of his room to the hallway and downstairs. He ran passed James and Adam who already seemed worried, and Elyse who had just walked in the door. He pushed past her and got ind this car and sped off to his house.

He got out of the car without cutting the engine and ran inside. He went to his broken 360 and smashed it open. Out came a baggie of coke. He picked it up and sat on his couch and grabbed the razor taped under the table. He quickly cut it fine and pushed it into lines. He rolled up a bill from his wallet and snorted up the coke as quickly as he could. His nose started bleeding but he ignored it because his head was getting cloudy and his heart was pounding. He gripped the razor in his hand, it started cutting into his hand. He went back out to his car and got in. When he buckled up he rolled up his sleeves. He had recently picked a nifty little habit that so far had been undiscovered by the crew because of the December weather. His head felt like it was pounding, no that was his heart. Wasn’t it? He couldn’t tell the difference. He dragged the metal across his forearm a few times, each time bringing it closer and closer to his wrist. He knew he wouldn’t die, they could stitch him up if they found him in time. That didn’t stop him from doing it to his other wrist. The coke numbed the pain as he threw the razor into the backseat and pulled out and drove into the street. He was going way over the speed limit. That wasn’t enough for the cops to take notice of him. He stopped the car in the middle of the high way and watched as everyone behind him stopped. He walked next to the car behind his and forced the door open. He yanked the person out onto the pavement and stomped on them. He could hear the police now. He got into the vehicle. The second he closed the door he saw the simeon mark on the steering wheel. He knew he was fucked. He slammed on the gas pedal so hard the car jolted forward and almost hit his own. He sped past the cars on the highway and kept going. He wanted the police to stay on his tail. He wanted the excitement he wanted to escape death at the hands of the cop and for them to watch him kill himself. Spoole was many things and suicidal was one of them. He took a sharp right onto a dirt road in an attempt to go towards Vinewood. He loved the adrenaline pumping through him every time the car left the ground and landed with a hard push. Sean Poole had never felt more alive than in this moment. He smiled and laughed genuinely for the first time in weeks. He screamed out of excitement, he hooted and hollered as, in his last moments, he was being chased by the police in the cold winter snow as the sun set in the distance. He was so close the houses in Vinewood. So close. Just a little bit farther he thought. But before he could think anymore an unsuspecting 18 wheeler came into contact with the simeon vehicle.  
“Im not sorry!” He laughed as he closed his eyes for the last time.


	2. It Fucking Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was painful to write

Spoole had died only 2 miles from the crews house. They found out because of the sudden rush of police and ambulances going past their house. Adam had been the one to fake relations to Spoole. The police told him so many things about Spoole that he didn’t know. His own boyfriend. They told him he had a police record more extensive than anyone knew about, mostly drug charges but still, he had a sister in Blaine County, he was high on cocaine when he died, he cut himself. None of these were as shocking or confusing to Adam as what exactly was cut into Spooles forearm. When the pieces of Sean had been cleaned up by the medical examiner he noticed cuts on the forearm. After a brief examination it was realized that they said ‘Sorry.’ The last word to have ever been spoken by Sean Poole.  
Adam had a hard time coming to terms with the information presented to him. When he had gone through the process of paperwork and was safely in his car, he tried to figure out whether or not he should tell the crew any of this. Did it matter? It didn’t really make a difference. What he couldn’t seem to wrap his head around was what the hell Sean was thinking when he did that. Of course he knew the extent of his anxiety and his barely existent sense of self-worth but nobody expected Sean to kill himself. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy. He seemed happy. These assumptions of course were the first mistake made by the crew. Any time that Sean seemed happy was because he had done a line of cocaine early in the morning and was still riding the high.  
In reality, Sean Poole had a hard time trying to stay alive. His brain was always plagued by his thoughts convincing him he didn’t belong, that he didn’t deserve to be happy, to find love, to even have a job. He wasn’t allowed to have anything, not even the air he breathed. The drugs didn’t stop his thoughts god no they did not silence the hell rather they made him not care. He still listened like a kid hearing a story, he never stopped paying attention but he did not care. All he could think of was whether or not he should eat when the munchies tried to take over. But sometimes the high didn’t help and he would shut down. It wasn’t often but it hurt, it hurt so much. He would be sitting on the couch surrounded by all his friends having a fun time and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. The world slowed down just a little bit and all he could think of was how much he didn’t belong, how much he didn’t deserve to be alive. He would excuse himself, say sorry, and go into the bathroom and cry. When he would leave the bathroom he would criticize himself for being so stupid and weak and then walk back to his friends with a small smile and make up an excuse as to why he took so long. Everything was the worst when it came to Adam. Dear god did Sean love Adam, he loved him so much, so fucking much. But he didn’t deserve Adam. Adam was too good for him, he was too good to be in love with a liar. Every waking moment of his life Sean lied to Adam. Adam didn’t know he was suicidal, didn’t know he hurt himself, Adam didn’t know the first thing about his own boyfriend. Every time Adam laughed Sean regretted saying yes to going on a date with Adam because he knew he would hurt him. He knew he would. Sean Poole was not deserving of his life.

The following days had everyone in the house crushed. Most of the day it was so quiet one could hear someone crying from a few rooms down. They all dealt with it in their own ways, some more dangerous and stupid than others. Take Bruce for example, every night at 7pm he snuck out of the house and climbed into his Grotti. He raced towards the casino where he wold then gamble everything in his pocket, hardly winning anything because he was too drunk to focus. Then he would cruise on back to the house, secretly hoping to get into an accident. Then he would sneak back into the house and take a nice long nap on the toilet. He would wake up, rinse, repeat.  
Some people took it better than others, like Elyse and Omar. They had their 2 days of mourning before they started to come out of their rooms. One of them would cook while the other did laundry. They did this mainly when everyone was asleep. Whoever was doing the laundry that day would sneak into everyones room and grab the smelly, puke-stained, clothes and sheets and throw them into the wash. Nobody knew who was doing it but nobody cared because somebody was. Omar and Elyse would handle the upkeep of the house so that when the others finally decided to come out of their rooms they wouldn’t be burdened with the task of cleaning the house and suffering in the fumes of a house untouched for days, possibly weeks.  
Lawrence stayed on his computer all day. He responded to emails from other crews in the Rooster Teeth network that gave their condolences, he increased the security of their online network, and played new game releases. The rest of his time was spent crying into his pillow in an attempt to sleep but ultimately ending up screaming and chugging energy drinks. The few times he slept he had horrible nightmares depicting how he thought Spoole died. To Lawrence it was still an accident. He thought Spoole was driving back to apologize and something happened on the way back. Nobody had told him that Spoole wanted to die, that this was a suicide. Adam didn’t know if it would be a good idea to tell him. Lawrence of course found out from Michael Jones, the boy without a filter. He didn’t know whether it was easier to accept it was a suicide or if thinking it was an accident would be more comforting. Either way he eventually turned to the bottle... or tens of bottles as is Lawrences case. But after 4 days he eventually came out of his room and sat down at the dining room table while Omar made breakfast.  
Adam, the poor man, cried. All he could think of was to cry. But he didn’t cry during the day when someone might be awake, he cried himself to sleep. He spent his days going through old photo albums and hard drives with pictures of the crew and of him and Sean. He held them close to his heart which only caused it to break a tiny bit more everyday. He slept wearing the same sweatshirt everyday, the sweatshirt Spoole had spent his rent money on to buy Adam because he had made an offhand comment about liking it. That was last Christmas. God Christmas was coming up so fast. It was next week and they didn’t have a tree, he didn’t have a presents for them. He didn’t know if the house was decorated or if food was going to be cooked. Christmas was Sean’s favorite holiday. 6 days after the accident Adam forced himself out of bed and he grabbed his wallet and went downstairs. The house had some decorations but not enough. He waved at Elyse who was sitting on the couch and he left. When he came back he had a tree, more decorations than he could afford, and a determination to make this house so lit up with Christmas decorations that Sean could see it from the heavens.  
With only 4 days until Christmas Eve the rest of the house was almost back to normal. The house looked like a page out of a Martha Stewart spread and it smelled of cookies. Christmas music played on the speakers while Elyse and Lawrence baked cookies, Adam and Omar wrapped presents, and James and Bruce begrudgingly wrote Christmas cards out to family and coworkers. Joel and Peake had yet to come downstairs though. They were occasionally caught sneaking out of the bathroom but other than that they stayed in their rooms where they accepted the meals brought up to them and continued mourning in their own ways. Peake spent most of his time on his knees. He wasn’t putting anything into his mouth rather stuff was coming out of it. He prayed to God. He constantly asked him why. Why is my best friend dead? Why did I not know this would happen? Why me? In fact, Peake blamed himself. Sean had come into his room crying, apologizing and he let him go. He didn’t even make an attempt to stop him, to calm him down and comfort him. He let Spoole go, he fucking let him go. He asked God for forgiveness everyday before he passed out. He had a hard time living with himself. But eventually he came down stairs. It was the day of Christmas Eve and he brought Joel with him.  
Nothing had really changed with Joel. He still did coke and slept the rest of the day. The only real difference was the amount of coke he was doing. He used to do 2 lines and then he would be good to go about his day. But now he had a hard time stopping. When Peake had dragged him downstairs to go shopping for Christmas gifts he had been on his 4th line in the past 4 hours. He was moody the whole time and almost hitched a fit during Christmas dinner. He had never before said he didn’t want to celebrate Christmas but this year he used Judaism as an excuse to go back to his room and cut some more lines.  
After everyone had exchanged gifts with each other (the first year they didn’t have any gag gifts), Peake went upstairs to check on Joel. He hadn’t fully recovered himself but he didn’t want to lose another friend to the dark grip of depression.  
“Hey Joel, can I come in?” Peake knocked gently at the door.  
“Come in.” Peake slowly opened the door and stepped inside.  
“I have some things for you.” He pulled a few small packages out of his sweatshirt pocket. “They’re from me and the others. You know, Chanukah gifts.”  
“Chanukah is over.” Joel rolled his eyes at Peake.  
“Yeah and you spent it alone in your room and not with your friends. So Im in here now to give you your damn gifts.” He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself as he walked over the couch in the corner of the room and took a seat. “Listen man, we care about you. None of us took Spoole’s death well. Not even Omar was okay and he had only known him a few weeks. You need to get off your butt and stop snorting this shit just for once.” Joel stared at him for a little before saying possibly the stupidest thing Matt had ever heard.  
“Wanna try it?” Matt looked at him like he had 3 heads.  
“Try what?” He hoped that maybe Joel wasn’t referring to coke.  
“Cocaine. Do you wanna try it? It’s really not that bad.”  
“Joel what the heck? I don’t do drugs you know that.”  
Joel shrugged. “Worth a shot.” He leaned forward again and snorted up another line while Peake threw his head back and groaned.  
“You’re going to die doing this shit.”  
“Thats the plan.” Peake picked his head back up and stared at him.  
“Are you fucking serious?”  
“What?” Joel was taken aback by Peake cursing.  
“Are you really going to fucking say you plan on dying on coke when my best fucking friend killed himself a week and a half ago while high on fucking cocaine? What the hell is wrong with you!” Peake had stood up and he looked ready to beat the shit out of Joel.  
“Dude it was a joke I-”  
“This is a fucking joke to you Joel? Tell me this Joel, do you know where Sean got that cocaine? Do you?”  
“No, no I dont kn-”  
“Yeah no shit you don’t. He stole it from you a month ago. But you wouldn’t know because you were too busy at the fucking Vanilla Unicorn snorting cocaine off of some woman’s boobs! He came fucking crying to me, saying how he stole from you and asking for forgiveness for being awful. He died on your coke Joel. Your shit was in him when drove in front of that fucking truck. So go ahead go fucking die on the receiving end of a fucking metal rod.” Peake paced around the room, waiting for Joel to say something. When he didn’t Peake realized Joel’s gift was still in his hand. He threw it at him. “Here you go by the fucking way. I went into Seans apartment a few hours ago to see if there was anything worth keeping. He had a fucking present for you. He had it already wrapped up and everything you piece of fucking shit.”  
Joel picked up the present and moved it around in his hands. It was small but rather heavy. He slowly tore off the wrapping paper. There was a little cardboard box. It wasn’t the original packaging for whatever was inside. He pulled open the little tab and poured the contents into his hand. It was 2 cassette tapes. One was hollow on the inside and one seemed to be an actual working tape. He snapped open the hollow one and found a dub inside with a little note next to it. “In case we hang out together. -Spoole” Matt groaned at the sight of the little nugget of weed. On the sticker of the other cassette it read “Some tunez to mellow you out.”  
“Wanna try weed?” Joel looked at Peake. Peake narrowed his eyes at Joel.  
“You know what?” He began nodding his head. “Yeah. Yeah I wanna try it.” Peake knew he was making a mistake, that he shouldn’t do this but he was going through with it anyway. What did he have to lose at this point?  
Joel got his grinder and dusted it off. He ground up the dub and put it into a metal piece sticking out of a water bottle. He lit the weed and waited for the smoke to fill the bottle.  
“Watch carefully.” Joel said and unscrewed the cap. He immediately sucked in all the smoke and held it for a second before blowing it back out. Peake nodded and waited as Joel repeated the process. This time Peake sat down and leaned in close. The second Joel unscrewed the cap Peake grabbed it and sucked in as much as he could. He coughed a little bit but it wasn’t too bad. He nodded his head as he accepted that he had just done weed. He watched what he hadn’t inhaled flow out of the bottle. He quickly felt the effects take over him. For the first time in awhile Peake felt relaxed. He rested his head on the couch and watched as Joel went back to the lines he was doing when Peake came in.  
30 minutes had passed. Joel had put the cassette into a forgotten about boom box. It was mostly Weezer songs. Neither of them understood how they counted as mellow songs but Spoole had put them on there nonetheless. In the middle of ‘Thank God For Girls’ Peake noticed that Joel had started shaking.  
“Hey are you okay?” Peake turned his head towards Joel.  
“I-I’m fine.” He curled into himself like he was trying to hide from Adam.  
“Are you sure? You’re shaking.”  
“Yeah..It’s fine.” He took a breath that was..rather shaky.  
“Are you crying?”  
“I’m not crying!” He turned to face Peake.  
“Oh shit your nose is bleeding dude...niceee.” He giggled a little. “Do you want me to clean that up for you?”  
“I-I can clean myself up”  
“I think you need to go to bed. Come on man.” Peake stood up and reached out to his friend. Joel grabbed his hand. He pulled himself up but immediately tripped over his own feet. He lay on the floor for a few seconds before Peake squatted down next to him.  
“You sure you’re okay?” He raised an eyebrow.  
Joel nodded and tried to push himself up. “Oh god. Fuck I’m go-” He didn’t get to finish that sentence. He began to seize. This was not something that happened to Joel. He didn’t have any neurological disorders besides addiction. Peake began panicking, he didn’t know what to do.  
“Shit dude, shit shit” He tried to drag him away from the area he was in, he didn’t want Joel to hit anything. He went to look for something to shove in Joel’s mouth so he didn’t bite his tongue but when he turned around with a drum stick in hand, Joel was coughing up blood and seizing even worse than before. His whole body was convulsing it was terrifying. Peake didn’t know what to do. He didn’t think to get anyone, he didn’t think to call anyone. What he did think to do was to get on his knees beside Joel and pick him up. He held him in his lap and noticed something drop onto his face. Was he crying? He wiped at his eyes and called himself a pussy for crying. He was so done with all this shit. He was finally recovering from Sean and now here he was with Joel who he didn’t know whether or not he would stop.  
Within the minute though, Joel did stop seizing. He stopped seizing and coughing up blood but he had also stopped breathing.  
“Joel? Joel! Joel wake up! What the fuck no! No no no n o no!” Peake gripped Joel close to him and he screamed his name. He could feel Joel’s blood getting on his sweatshirt and his own mucus running down his face. “Joel please...”  
The door busted open and Bruce came in.  
“Peake why the fuck are you screaming?” Peake turned around, his face was puffy and covered in a multitude of liquids.  
“Joel... Joel. He isn’t breathing. Bruce he isn’t breathing I don’t know what to do!” Bruce went over to the tiny man and inhaled sharply at the sight in front of him. Joel, covered in his own blood, being gripped to Peake’s chest while Peake rocked lightly, sobs wracking his body.  
“Are you sure? Did you check his pulse.” Bruce tried to remain as calm as possible but he knew he couldn’t last. When Peake shook his head he grabbed Joel’s wrist and felt for an sign of a pulse. There wasn’t one. Bruce got up and ran out of the room. He banged on James’ and Adam’s doors. They all came bursting into Joel’s room. At the sight of Peake and Joel none of them kept their composure. The last few weeks had worn them all down but now? Now they felt nothing. They couldn’t feel anything because their was nothing to feel. They knew this would happen eventually but not so soon, not because of Spoole. They didn’t feel guilt or remorse or even just a little bit of sadness. They had all been emotionally numbed by the death of Sean. They had to tell the others. But how? It was still Christmas eve for fucks sake. Everyone had finally come out of their burrows, they all celebrated Christmas for Spoole. Now they would have to wake their friends up on Christmas morning to tell them that Joel Rubin overdosed on cocaine while mourning Spoole. They’d be the laughing stock of Rooster Teeth. They couldn’t stop their own people from killing themselves how were they supposed to protect other people?  
Adam grabbed Peake’s shoulders and told him he had to leave. Peake screamed and bitched as he clung onto Joel. He didn’t want to let go, he couldn’t let go. He knew Joel was dead but somewhere in the back of his mind he told himself that this was all a sick dream and that when he woke up Spoole would be across the hallway from him, curled up in Adam’s room while they watched a movie. If he woke up Joel would be downstairs playing Guitar Hero with Bruce and never have touched cocaine. He wanted this to be a sick fucking nightmare but it wasn’t it was reality and he couldn't swallow it.  
The next morning when everyone went down to breakfast, Adam had stood at the head of the table. For the 2nd time this month he delivered devastating news to his friends. Lawrence nodded his head and started eating his eggs. He didn’t have an outburst, didn’t shout or cure, he just sat there and that was truly the scariest thing the fakehaus crew had ever seen Lawrence do. But they all knew he was numb inside too. Omar and Elyse shared a look together. No one really knew what kind of look it was but it seemed to mean something to them. Everyone continued on with their morning meal except Peake who could barely function.  
Poor Peake couldn’t even stand last night. After Adam had pulled Peake away from Joel he had told him to go shower and change his clothes but Peake ignored him and continued to sob. Adam picked up Peake and put him over his shoulder. He walked down the hall to the bathroom and put Peake on the toilet before turning on the water.  
“Stay here.” He said and left. He went back down to the hallway and told the guys he was going to get Peake ready for bed. They nodded and continued on figuring out how where they were going to put Joel’s body. Adam went back to bathroom and stood Peake up. “You need to take off your clothes.” He held onto his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. Peake was still crying and could barely talk. He rasped out an ‘ok’ and sat back down to get undressed. He didn’t have the strength to stand or talk or do anything, he just wanted to sleep. He had stripped down to his tank top and boxers. He didn’t know if he should go any further. He looked up at Adam who just gestured towards the under wear. Peake had peeled them off his body. He had tried to stand up but quickly fell on to Adam who picked him up and put him in the bath. Peake was too upset to wash himself. Adam Kovic, at 11:32pm on Christmas Eve, gave his best friend a bath.  
Peake wasn’t too happy about the bath thing but it was shadowed in his mind by the replaying of what had happened to Joel. Watching his friend seize on the floor and not knowing what to do, watching the blood come up, god it hurt. He tried to hide in his hoodie, he tried so hard but it didn’t work, it wasn’t big enough. God did everything fucking hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao sorry. Can't wait for the next chapter because poor fucking Peake.  
> /\


End file.
